Posted: October 24, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy | Tags: advocacy, articles, awareness, equality and justice, lgbt resources, LGBT rights, news, parenting, voice |
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Posted: October 14, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy, In the Press, LGBT, Schools | Tags: AC360°, advocacy, Anderson Cooper, bullying, equality and justice, LGBT rights, schools |
Last week and this week CNN and Anderson Cooper AC360° is featuring An Anderson Cooper Special Report – “Bullying: It Stops Here.”
Tonight, Friday, October 14 at 8 and 10 p.m. ET, Cooper hosts a town hall: “Bullying: It Stops Here”.
For as long at it is available on YouTube I highly recommend watching the October 5th episode. There is astounding video of what one child endures on the bus (in part 3 of 4) and a sickening video of a principal intervening in a active incident of bullying (in part 4). They are must-see videos (links below).
Be warned this show will likely make you sad and furious.
I have spent a lot of time discussing and role-playing with my daughter how to defuse the hostile situations that she encounters and may encounter in the future. It is important defuse them so they don’t escalate, but it is also absolutely essential that she feel that she can defend herself too. She has a series of responses that she uses to answer back to ignorant and hateful statements. She has crafted arguments on her own and with us to answer comments which come from a variety of loathsome discriminatory origins: religiously motivated bigotry, misogyny, physical disgust direct at LGBT individuals, etc.
Sometimes she quasi-jokingly says she will sock the perpetrator in the nose. Of course I make it clear that a violent response to a hostile situation is not okay, but truthfully after watching the videos of what these kids endure, I find myself thinking that she would be justified if she socked a bully in the nose.
At this point I do not trust that if she went to anyone at the school that they would be able to effectively deal with the situation. If schools cannot figure out how to productively address issues of diversity and bigotry before there is a incident on the playground, in the cafeteria, or on the bus, I have NO FAITH that they will be able to deal with it once it is happening.
One thing that becomes crystal clear from this program is that principals, teachers, all school staff need to be trained how to deal with this. They are clearly at a loss about how to respond.
How would school personnel know how to handle LGBT bullying if the school district, the school, and the principal have never made crystal clear what will and will not be tolerated? If there are no institutionally prescribed consequences for homo-prejudice before there are incidences of violence, how is a teacher supposed to have any power to do anything?
And how can we trust our schools to protect our kids when teachers like Viki Knox in New Jersey makes public statements about her own personal homo-prejudice? How many other Viki Knoxes are teaching in our school classrooms, but are smart enough not to out themselves as bigots on Facebook and Twitter? We are yet to see what will happen to her, but America would not tolerate a public school teacher in 2011 making racist statements on Twitter and Facebook because they were offended by Black History Month being honored in their school.
I now see that my daughter and I have to role-play and problem solve what she should do in a situation where an adult is as ill-equipped to handle LGBT bullying as the principal in the video in the AC360° October 5th episode. I need to make her aware that some teachers are bigots who cannot separate their prejudices from their obligations as educators bound by a duty to all students.
Her teachers say they love having her in class; they praise her polite and respectful demeanor. Yesterday at I even overheard my daughter thank the maintenance man for taking such great care of the school. I am happy that she is that kind of child, but I will not have her politely subject herself to ill-prepared, perhaps ill-intentioned, school personnel and their potentially destructive “interventions.”
I hope that Anderson Cooper AC360° and CNN will continue to make this episode available to the public. Allowing continued access to this material would be a real contribution to raising awareness about the lives of LGBT youth and the need to end bullying.
Here are the links:
“Bullying: It Stops Here,” part 1/4
“Bullying: It Stops Here,” part 2/4
“Bullying: It Stops Here,” part 3/4
“Bullying: It Stops Here,” part 4/4
Posted: October 12, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy, Post, Schools | Tags: advocacy, bullying, fear, language, LGBT, school |
In the wake of yet another teen suicide linked to bullying, bullying that singled out a student for being gay or allegedly being gay, too many school districts continue to ignore that their district policies fail to protect students from LGBT-related prejudice and harassment. Obviously language in a school district handbook isn’t the most important intervention to keep LGBT kids safe.
We need schools prepared to deal with diversity and school personnel who will take real action to protect students. However school policy sets the tone for how schools address difference, discipline problems, and the school culture in general.
Last year the Anoka–Hennepin School District in Minnesota came under scrutiny for their bullying policies and their practice of neutrality toward homosexuality in schools after many students in Anoka-Hennepin district schools killed themselves after LGBT-related bullying. Associated Press writer, Chris Williams describes the situation on Boston.com:
It [the Anoka-Hennepin School District] has found itself caught between gay-rights supporters, who insist that any anti-bullying program must include specific policies aimed at protecting gay youth, and religious conservatives who call that unnecessary and biased toward homosexuality.
The district has told its staff to remain neutral when discussing matters of sexual orientation, while also ordering employees to step in if they learn of any harassment or bullying. [Emphasis mine]
Neutrality is not enough.
When I recently met with my daughter’s school principal to discuss that fact that she had chosen to come out to everyone including her friends at school and their parents, the principal made all the appropriate, district-sanctioned statements about how bullying was not tolerated in her school. She reassured us that our school community is especially tolerant of disabled students and therefore we could expect the children and parents to tolerate a lesbian student. (There are plenty of problems with that comparison, but that’s another post).
I have the utmost respect for our principal and I love my daughter’s elementary school. I know we are very fortunate to send our child to good, generally supportive school; however, neutrality and pat promises of zero tolerance are not going to deal with the reality of prejudice, hate speech, and intimidation that occurs in schools across the nation, even in nice schools like the one we send our daughter to.
I wondered how my local school district would compare with the Anoka-Hennepin district. So, I did some research about our local school district’s policies on harassment, discrimination, and sexual orientation.
Student/Parent Handbook and Code of Conduct – Our Discrimination Policy
What I found is very disturbing. I have excerpted the pertinent sections from both the Student/Parent Handbook and the Code of Conduct. The Superintendent states that these documents: “foster an environment for learning in which students respect the rights of others. State law requires each school district to create and implement a code of conduct for students that specifies policies and procedures.”
The sections of these documents that outline discrimination and harassment fail to include sexual orientation as a factor considered when determining
Discrimination Prohibited
XSD maintains a strict policy of equal opportunity and nondiscrimination. No student shall be discriminated against or unlawfully denied the opportunity to participate in any program or activity on the basis of the student’s gender, race, color, national origin, or disability. Any student who believes he or she has been subjected to prohibited discrimination at school or while participating in a school sponsored activity, should promptly report the concern to the student’s principal or to the Deputy Superintendent. . . . [Emphasis mine]
Harassment
XSD strictly prohibits harassment based on an individual’s gender, color, race, religion, national origin or disability. Harassment, in general terms, is conduct so severe, persistent, or pervasive that it affects the student’s ability to participate in or benefit from an educational program or activity, creates an intimidating, threatening, or hostile educational environment. Slurs, insults, or other inappropriate conduct related to those protected characteristics described above are wholly inappropriate, violate the District’s equal opportunity and nondiscrimination policies, and may subject the student who engages in such conduct to disciplinary action. . . . [Emphasis mine]
Thus, according to the discrimination and the harassment policy of my local school district sexual orientation and non-normative gender identity are not covered.
Hazing/Bullying
XSD strictly prohibits hazing, bullying, or intimidating students. Specific definitions of hazing and bullying are in the glossary at the end of the Student Code of Conduct.
The glossary sections that define hazing, bullying, or harassment are general and inclusive enough to include acts that make students frightened for their safety and undermine their ability to learn, but as the policy states above students cannot be subjected to “prohibited discrimination” and harassment is defined at “slurs, insults, or other inappropriate conduct related to those protected characteristics described above.”
Thus, discrimination and harassment based upon sexual orientation are not identified as actions that would undermine “an environment for learning in which students respect the rights of others” per district policy.
The policy on cyberbullying includes the following language:
Misuse of Computers and the Internet Students shall not:
- send or post electronic messages that are abusive, obscene, sexually oriented threatening, harassing, damaging to another’s reputation, or illegal, including off school property if the conduct causes a substantial disruption to the educational environment; or [Emphasis mine]
If we assume that there is a comma missing between “oriented” and “threatening” then we can surmise that messages that are sexually oriented are innately prohibited. The use of the word “abuse” could be interpreted broadly and include hate speech, but only that which includes “slurs, insults, or other inappropriate conduct related to those protected characteristics described above” (not based on sexual orientation).
Cyberbullying that is “damaging to another’s reputation” would only apply to sexual orientation if one believes that being queer diminishes one’s reputation.
The district’s Human Sexuality curriculum not only does not mention the sexuality of LGBT people at all, but it limits discussion of sexuality to that practiced within marriage. Same-sex marriage is not legal in our state, so that effectively implies abstinence is the only sanctioned possibility for queer people.
At every turn LGBT students are absent in all district policy on discrimination and harassment.
For our child, who at 10 has already been told that God only approves of heterosexuality, there is no articulated protection for her or even an acknowledgement that she exists.
“God made boys and girls differently for a reason” she is told by a child on the playground. Can we really remain neutral about that?
Justin Aaberg’s parents Tammy and Shawn Aaberg, said that “one form of the bullying their son endured came from a student religious group whose members told Justin that he was going to hell because he was gay.” Justin, a gay fifteen-year old high school student, hanged himself after being bullied. Justin’s story is recounted on an ABC News story about the recent suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer.
“School systems need to do more to protect LGBT students from bullying, and not turn their back on them because of their sexual orientation” say the Aabergs.
I couldn’t agree more.
Posted: October 12, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy | Tags: education, equality and justice, fear, love, Matthew Shepard, parenting |
Today is the 13th anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard.
Matthew Shepard, December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998
As a parent I want to make this world safer for my own child and everybody else’s gay child.
I won’t be able hide behind trees and crouch behind bushes while she goes to out into the world in order to make sure no harm comes to her.
What I can do is try to engage others in conversation about queer kids. Until she is older I can try to protect her from the ignorance or prejudice of people who know she is out.
I can be an ally and an advocate.
Yesterday I went to Safe Zone/Ally Training. I suggest that anyone who wants to make the world a safer place for members of the LGBT community consider spending an afternoon at a local training. I will proudly display my Safe Zone sticker beside my office door, so that anyone who needs a safe space will have one.
Moreover, displaying the Safe Zone sticker let’s others know they aren’t alone.
One can find plenty of information about being an ally information here.
Many universities regularly offer Safe Zone/Ally Training. Check with your local university’s LGBT Center or Women’s Center to see if or when they will offer a training session.
Posted: October 6, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy, Coming out, In the Press | Tags: coming out, fear, pride, self conception, sexual minorities, social inequality, stigma |
A new study published in Sexual Research and Social Policy suggests that being stigmatized by a prejudiced society and enduring repeated “microaggressions” impact the health and well-being of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals. Not surprising, but always very disheartening.
The abstract for the article, “’We’d Be Free’: Narratives of Life Without Homophobia, Racism, or Sexism” (link to HTML of article) reads:
Stigma and social inequality deprive disadvantaged social groups of a sense of social well-being. Stress researchers have focused on prejudice-related events and conditions but have not described more intangible stressors experienced by sexual minorities. We use narrative methods to examine how sexual minorities experience stigma and social inequality as we focus on the more intangible stressors that are both pervasive and difficult to measure. Three themes emerged in the narratives of our ethnically diverse sample of 57 adult sexual minority women and men: (a) stigma deprived them of access to critical possibilities and opportunities; (b) stigma deprives them of safety and acceptance; and (c) despite this, the experience of stigma is also related to the adoption of a positive and collective orientation towards their stigmatized identities. Recognizing these stressors and related resilience can direct policy makers toward interventions that go even beyond eliminating prejudice by including goals to strengthen minority communities.
Obviously the most important response to this is to continue trying to change society. But what can we do for individuals who are being stigmatized right now?
How does one counteract this, especially if you have the opportunity to work with young members of the LGBT community? Are there ways to reduce susceptibility to the negative consequences? Are there coping mechanisms that can be taught?
Thus far my approach has been:*
- instill a sense of pride of identity (going to Pride, identifying good role models, celebrating lesbianism, buying in-your-face t-shirts, etc.)
- impart the knowledge that familial support is 100% and unconditional
- foster a sense of positive agency – “I can make things better”
- immerse her (as much as possible) in visibly queer environments to reduce the sense of isolation/encourage a sense of community
Yet, I too feel the hostility. I try not to convey the creeping fear and suspicion to my daughter. I want to convey confidence and a belief in our agency. Still, we have to talk honestly about prejudice and hatred, and how to handle it when we encounter it. So hard.
*If you are reading this and think that I must be making my kid gay, realize that this is her identity; she is sure, and she has committed to being out. Way out. This is how I know . . . How Do You Know for Sure?
Posted: October 3, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy | Tags: awareness, coming out, education, equality, pride, school, trust |
My daughter began raising LGBT awareness amongst the playground set when she was only seven.
She has come up with numerous strategies for starting the conversation. Some begin on the swing set with “do you have a pet?” and then lead to her own gay awareness campaign.
Some begin in the classroom when they are doing worksheets with “do you know what gay and lesbian means?” When as is generally the case her listener says that they don’t know what gay means she gives them an age appropriate explanation, “men who love men and women who love women” sort of thing.
Then she moves on to gay rights.
More frequently these days she seems to end this discussion with coming out, if the conversation has gone well and she likes the person. She came out to her friends in second grade too, but only to a couple of her close friends.
She shares with me that she is afraid of being bullied in middle school. Yet she hasn’t reported a single negative word that any of her classmates have said to her. As a matter of fact, after a play date last weekend she said her friends made her promise not to tell anyone who is mean, because they couldn’t stand it if anyone was mean to her.
Is it possible that she is going to educate most of her elementary school cohort before the haters get to them?
It appears that the school is going to abdicate any role in LGBT awareness/sensitivity education other than some broad anti-bullying education. Thus, there is a vacuum that my girl is filling on her own.
She has chosen to do this on her own.* She was born a crusader – the kind of little girl who had a superhero alter-identity from an early age. She wore her costume after school, weekends, and holidays for years. So, being a gay superhero comes naturally to her self-conception.
I sure hope my little queer superhero makes the world a better one for herself by educating her peers, instead of being limited to coming out into a world of haters.
*I have my own queer identity and commitments but it never occurred to me to expect it in my child. LGBTness and queer equality was just a part of our world. Her lesbian identity and convictions are all her, separate from me. She was born this way and was lucky enough to be born into a community where she always had the language to describe who she is and the confidence to be herself.
Posted: October 2, 2011 | Author: Sabrina Starnaman | Filed under: Advocacy, Events | Tags: advocacy, coming out |
October 11th is National Coming Out Day. This day commemorates the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights on October 11, 1987. On that day a half a million people brought their bodies and voices to the cause of equal rights.
Now we set aside this day to recognize and celebrate coming out as LGBT. Sometimes we are just waiting for the right opportunity to start the conversation – National Coming Out Day can be that right time. Perhaps I will wear my “SOME KIDS R GAY” t-shirt when I pick-up my daughter?
Here is a link to information about and resources for National Coming Out Day.
Raising Queer Kids 