How Do You Know For Sure?
Many times over the past year I have been asked how I know that my daughter is actually a lesbian.
I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because . . .
- when she was seven years old she said, “Mama, I’m gay,” to which I answered “you know you don’t have to figure that out now. In a few years you’ll reach puberty, and you’ll have crushes. There’s plenty of time find out who you are.” She looked me in the eye and replied, “Mama, I know how I feel, you don’t.”
- for two and a half years, she has asked my partner and I, “how will you feel if I’m a lesbian?” We always say “we love you regardless of whom you love.” Yet she felt the need to make sure we were still right there with her. Clearly she knows that being a lesbian opens you up to rejection from family, friends, and society.
- when she describes the girl she likes and her cheeks get flush and her eyes get dreamy.
- she has told me that she thinks another girl in her class is a lesbian and when she explains why she thinks this the clincher to her argument is, “she has all the awesomeness that I have come to expect from lesbians.”*
- she knows that being gay in this society makes one’s life much harder. I don’t believe that she would come out to a hostile society unless she was clear about how she feels.
- Most importantly, I have to trust her to know who she is. I have to trust what I see and hear from her.
- Lastly, I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because it’s not my place to say who she is or how she feels. It is my place to love and support her because she is who she is. (And she is awesome!)
If when she is older she falls in love with a man, we will love her and support her too. We love her at each place she is in her life. We tell her this all the time.
*Yes, my kid talks like this.
Consider reading In Her Own Words, her message to other gay kids.