But How Do You Know For Sure?

I was asked by someone how I know that my daughter is actually a lesbian.

I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because . . .

when she was seven years old she said, “Mama, I’m gay,” to which I answered “you know you don’t have to decide now. In a few years you’ll reach puberty, you’ll have crushes. There’s plenty of time find out who you are.” Then she looked me in the eye and replied, “Mama, I know how I feel, you don’t.”

I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because . . .

she asked us over and over again for two and a half years, “how will you feel if I’m a lesbian?” We always said we love her regardless of whom she loved. Yet she still felt the need to make sure we were still right there with her. Clearly she knows that being a lesbian opens you up to rejection from family, friends, and society.

I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because . . .

when she describes the girl she likes and her cheeks get flush and her eyes get dreamy.

I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because . . .

she tells me that she thinks another girl in her class is a lesbian and the final statement to her argument is “she has all the awesomeness that I have come to expect from lesbians.”*

Most importantly, I have to trust her to know who she is. I have to trust what I see and hear from her.

Lastly, I believe her when she tells me she’s a lesbian because it’s not my place to say who she is or how she feels. It is my place to love and support her because she is who she is.

 

*Yes, my kid talks like this.

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